In taking Marriage & Family classes for over a
year now, in observing marriages over my lifetime, and most importantly being
in a marriage for almost 20 years I can say love, service and settling are essential to creating a happy marriage. The
word settle can have negative connotations, and that is not what I mean. Your husband should value God, religion,
marriage, education, work and family. He
should have morals, conviction, integrity, faith, and respect for you and
others. But after that, after
recognizing a good man, you can’t expect them to be everything else.
So he doesn’t bring you flowers, or tell funny jokes
that impress people. He leaves socks on
the floor and dishes on the table. He
forgets family prayer and doesn’t like your favorite frozen yogurt shop. These are not deal breakers. An unsourced quote says, “When you release
expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what
you think they should be”. You married him
for a reason, remember those reasons.
Realize he has shortcomings and so do you, that is one of the purposes
for marriage, to help, teach and cheer each other on. To recognize the truly important things in
life and let go of your vision of the perfect man. The one who doesn’t exist.
At times a marriage is smooth sailing, and other
times hard work. Sometimes the husband
is pulling the weight, and other times the wife. Trials in life aren’t a possibility but a surety. Commitment to the marriage and God’s plan for
your family will carry you through if you are willing to do what it takes. In the text, ‘Successful Marriages and
Families’ it states, “Long term commitment will carry you through the ups and
down of married life. Most who
consistently invest in their marriages will do very well over the long
term. A lasting marriage is the reward,
usually, of hard work and self-sacrifice”.
When your marriage is cemented in
God and Jesus Christ, you have a much better chance of surviving the trials and
heartaches of life. “Think about the multi-faceted
diamond. When a diamond is completed surrounded by light every part of it shines.
Think about that for a minute and compare it to marriage. When our marriage is
completely surrounded by light—in other words when we’ve given every part of it
over to God–we discover beauty on every side. That’s what He wants us to do. God
doesn’t want us to look back. He doesn’t want us to focus on the romance we
had, the kids that grew up, the job that we lost, or the home that we still
can’t afford” – Darlene Schacht
I guess in the end it’s about
focus. Focusing on the positives,
working on the negatives and forgetting those things that can’t and don’t really
need to be changed. Focus on your
dreams, your goals, on each other and on God.
When your focus and commitments are aligned with God and his plan for
you, happiness will come.
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